When someone is experiencing a mental health crisis, the words we choose matter more than we often realize. Even well-intentioned comments can unintentionally cause harm, deepen distress, or make a person feel misunderstood, dismissed, or alone.
At Park Mental Health, we believe that supportive language can be a powerful form of care. Understanding what not to say is just as important as knowing what to say. Below are some common phrases to avoid, and why they can be harmful, when someone is struggling with their mental health.
“Just calm down.”
During a crisis, a person’s nervous system is often overwhelmed. Telling someone to “calm down” may feel dismissive or invalidating, as if their emotional response is inappropriate or excessive.
Why it hurts:
This phrase can imply that the person is choosing their distress or that relief should be simple. In reality, mental health crises are not resolved by willpower alone.
A better approach:
Try acknowledging their experience instead:
“I can see that this is really overwhelming. I’m here with you.”
“Other people have it worse.”
While comparison may be meant to offer perspective, it often does the opposite.
Why it hurts:
This statement minimizes someone’s pain and suggests they are not entitled to their feelings. Suffering is not a competition, and emotional distress is valid regardless of how it compares to others’ experiences.
A better approach:
Focus on their reality:
“What you’re feeling matters, and I want to understand.”
“You don’t seem that bad.”
Mental health struggles are not always visible. Many people experiencing severe distress appear “fine” on the outside.
Why it hurts:
This can make someone feel unseen or pressure them to hide their symptoms even more. It may discourage them from seeking help in the future.
A better approach:
Believe what they share:
“Thank you for telling me how you’re really feeling.”
“Just think positive.”
Positive thinking has its place, but it is not a solution during a crisis.
Why it hurts:
This phrase can invalidate complex emotions and imply that negative thoughts are a personal failure. Mental health conditions are not caused by a lack of optimism.
A better approach:
Offer presence rather than solutions:
“You don’t have to fix this right now. I’m here to listen.”
“You’ll get over it.”
This statement can feel dismissive and overly simplistic.
Why it hurts:
Mental health recovery is not linear, and crises are not temporary inconveniences. Suggesting someone will “get over it” may make them feel misunderstood or ashamed for continuing to struggle.
A better approach:
Acknowledge uncertainty with care:
“I don’t know exactly how this will unfold, but you don’t have to go through it alone.”
“Why are you like this?”
Questions that sound accusatory, even unintentionally, can increase feelings of shame.
Why it hurts:
This frames mental health symptoms as personal flaws rather than legitimate health concerns.
A better approach:
Ask open, supportive questions:
“Do you want to share what’s been weighing on you?”
What Does Help During a Mental Health Crisis
If you’re unsure what to say, remember that you don’t need perfect words. What helps most is:
- Listening without judgment
- Validating emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them
- Offering support without trying to “fix” the person
- Encouraging professional help when appropriate
Sometimes the most supportive statement is simple:
“I’m here, and I care about you.”
Support Is Available
If you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health crisis, professional support can make a meaningful difference. At Park Mental Health, our team provides compassionate, evidence-based care in a safe and supportive environment.
You are not alone, and help is available.
